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(C83) [Otomekibun (Sansyoku Amido.)] Seishun Nikki 5 [English] [SMDC]

(C83) [乙女気分 (三色網戸。)] 性春日記 5 [英訳]

Doujinshi
Posted:2013-01-14 22:19
Parent:None
Visible:Yes
Language:English  TR
File Size:14.15 MiB
Length:16 pages
Favorited:442 times
Rating:
124
Average: 4.57

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Posted on 14 January 2013, 22:19 by:   shadow_moon    PM
Uploader Comment
(C83)[Otomekibun (Sansyoku Amido.)] Seishun Nikki 5 (Original) [English][shadow_moon]
Check my blog for DDL and other releases: http://smdc-translations.blogspot.com
Also, feel free to leave some feedback, comments and suggestions (specially regarding spelling, fonts, grammar and translation comprehension).
Posted on 15 January 2013, 17:24 by:   Yossarian762    PM
Score +10
I just want to say you're awesome for translating this series, thanks. Any chance of you going on to translate the early Gakkou de Saishun volumes too?
Posted on 16 January 2013, 00:03 by:   Slobber    PM
Score +69
Nice pick! I love the juicy bodies from this artist. Some of the sentences could use a little QC but it isn't too bad. Here's what I could find:
Img3
(preference) I woulda done "Shower Room Swim Club" horizontally with 1 line for each word
(small change) "Man! your tits are great as ever, Ayane!" -> "Man, your tits are as great as ever, Ayane!" or "Man, your tits are great, Ayane!" or "Man, your tits are great as always, Ayane!"
Img4
(small change) "...I have holded back..." -> "...I've held back..."
(small change) "...even though I'm with a blindfold..." -> "...even though I'm blindfolded..."
Img6
(small change) "You already failed... all of the sperm so I'll have to..." -> "Since you failed... all of the sperm, I'll have to..."
(small change) "To be already this wet..." -> "Getting this wet..." or "Getting this wet already..."
Img7
(small change) "Sluttish face" -> "Slutty face"
(preference) "Time to have sex" -> "Time to fuck" (fits the character more since they're basically douchebags)
Img9
(small change) "But really... you're truly honest, slutty, and a cutie!" -> "But really... you're truly an honest and slutty cutie!" or "But really... you're truly honest, slutty, and cute!"

And that's it! Hope that helps :)

@shadow moon
I'm not an English major so I can't really say if it's "wrong" or not. But as a reader, I can attest that its "flow" could be improved :)
Posted on 16 January 2013, 00:53 by:   shadow_moon    PM
Score +1
@Slobber
Thanks for the review.
I'm taking a look at the ones you pointed out.
About the points in image 6, the sentences I used are wrong? I mean, I know that the suggestions you gave are correct, just wondering if the ones I used are grammatically wrong or if they're just some uncommon form (I do feel that "to be already this wet" is kinda strange, but not sure if wrong).

Hmmm...maybe it'd be better if it was "You have already failed...so I'll have to". It kinda gives a different intention than "Since you have already failed...I'll have to", doesn't it? I feel like the first one is more rude.
Posted on 16 January 2013, 06:35 by:   Hezard    PM
Score +8
Dido my previous comment on the other work you posted, lovin the soft and pillowy bodies this artist draws, YUM.
Posted on 01 March 2015, 19:40 by:   TheGreyPanther    PM
Score +25
http://www.doujinshi.org/book/557652/Seishun-Nikki-5/
RAW: https://e-hentai.org/g/556745/f8d22ae516/

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