Not really a fan of yaoi, especially played straight ('lol') like this with uke and seme and such. Read because I love Digital Lover. Not disappointed.
For your first translation, I don't think it was bad! With more practice, I am sure you can improve and get better! This book, despite being short, was a nice read!
As the other reviews say, your translation's quite decent. Keep it up! I would hope to see more releases from you soon (especially for DL Action, specifically the RO series).