actual tl: https://e-hentai.org/s/2d39200120/781589-157

Base +17, GamerNovel +14, goodboy24 +9, magico alverman +7, Erranty +8, Prof. Tree +3, trolling.fag +9, homogenized +8, alkopone +6, ShadowDread +3, amurec80 +4, hase34 +5, LordPants +6, and 15 more...

The dialogue looks so dumb since she seems to be a non-virgin already,w/e still fapped o/

Base +1, homogenized -8, Gearo -6, BlueSmoke -3, FeiFongWong -6

This is too funny lol

Base +6, Prof. Tree +3, homogenized -8, hase34 -5, pluto408 +8, Gearo +6, snakenbacon -6, El Monsieur +5

This garbage is worse than Laruffi's, and that's saying something

Base +6, Prof. Tree -3, trolling.fag +9, Lloydyykun -6, homogenized +8, Aggrus -6, Bazookaham +9, amurec80 +4, Equilibrant +7, hase34 +5, BlueSmoke +3, nonus +7, JackM2000 -6, and 9 more...

"Why do you keep running from me! I need to talk to you honey! Hold my hand!"

I think I'm in for a treat.

Base +6, El Monsieur +5, Deago123 +6

>Rewrite
WHY IS THIS ALLOWED AND NOT BANNED?

Base +17, nonus +7, ninjadragon +12, anonymous12345678 -9, hafini +6, CrossD +14, snakenbacon +6, sonictmp +7, irage88 +6, forneus_zero +11, Equilibrant +7, Silenteye -6, amurec80 +4, and 17 more...

Aw MAN that must hurt !

Base +7

As someone who enjoys comedic rewrites I hope they don't get banned, but seriously this is awful.

Base +7, JackM2000 -6, Atroticus -7, Selin -12, BlueSmoke -3, wyvernoflegend +3, kondoriyano -6, FeiFongWong -6, El Monsieur +5, Laharl_EAC -9, DJ_Puchuu +11, Deago123 -6

that gundam reference o.o

Base +4, Deago123 +6

Kinda interesting, now where is the original?

Base +6, El Monsieur +5

Why the hell are people complaining about this? The writing looks just fine to me. Why concentrate so much on the TL: it's hentai, for fuck's sake! I can almost gaurantee you the original TL is just as if not more ludicrous and dryly comedic than the rewrite. This is a cute, sexy comic by a great artist: I'd rather have a rewrite than no write at all. Stop being so spoiled. Jesus.

Base +6, Skull013 -6, Equilibrant -7, Silenteye +6, Hilarity -6, amurec80 -4, snakenbacon -6, kenuran -7, Warbob500 +7, marx2600 -6, pencilfight -6, Selin -12, BlueSmoke -3, and 5 more...

The dude is a MAJOR douchebagg in the begining, I mean, Just HOW could you treat a girl like that, You have this amazing tall crazy bult sweet and gentle as all hell woman who loves you, And you act like that? The fuck? Id fkn kill for that.

Base +6, Atroticus +7, IceGolem +6, cfillion +8, El Monsieur -5, Deago123 +6

B/c Anime girls are badly stereotyped brainless beings in the Hentai world.
This dialogue maybe logically stupid in this situation, but its just another norm in Hentai criteria we see everyday

Base +6, El Monsieur +5

I fail to see how this rewrite is bad. I found it cute and funny.

Base +1, Rouga_Zanma -7, AncientPhoenix -7

It's sad that I'll never have my childhood friend tell me she's been waiting to fuck me since puberty...

Base +6

Page 21 at the bottom:Best Girlfriend ever. My reaction: 10/10 Would fuck again LOL....I need a break from fourchins....

Base +4