This is my first upload here, so the editing of some chat bubbles, cleaning, etc. is probably not on par with some of the more seasoned veterans here on the page. Never the less I hope you enjoy the translation.

Delivery man

Delivering cum to your womb in hentai and porn since time immemorial

Now without "Thinking or speaking outside the box"

@Springborn

Gallery CAN be deleted after upload but it must be expunged first

RAW:https://e-hentai.org/g/789835/55d0733f34/

Base +15, TheOldDeus +4, xestrm +21, jfragrettel +8

I'll try and be as polite as possible about this. This release has a lot of problems and (in my opinion) does not hold up to standards.
There are some things I would like you to take into consideration if you re-release this or if you work on something again.
- Do not use plural form for romaji (e.g.: Pg1, first bubble: "senpais").
- Try to avoid capitalization of words in bubbles, exclamation marks should be enough to get the feeling across.
- Do not use *action*(e.g.: Pg3, 3rd bubble: "*whimpers*").
- Do not provide extra context for lines (e.g.: Pg3, last bubble, this example in particular I would consider obscene, you actually extended the bubble to allow for the text to fit).
a) The translation was very simple for this "I won't tell anybody if you show me your vaginer".
b) As a rule of thumb, if you have to extend the bubble you need to translate the line better.
c) If you absolutely have to redraw the bubble at least provide black contour and anti-aliasing so that it doesn't stick out as much.
- Do not translate onomatopoeia literally (e.g.: Pg4, 3rd square bubble: "shiii!", in this particular case, she's actually stuttering on the word 死ぬ, as in: しっ死ぬ)
- Always check for proper capitalization.
- Do not provide several translations for a single line (e.g.: Pg5, 6th bubble: "ALRIIIIGHT", only one translation will do, if necessary, provide a TL note before the credits page)
- If a bubble overlaps text/text is difficult to make out intentionally, you will have to provide a similar typesetting, use masks or layers where applicable, do not cross the bubble border unless absolutely necessary.
- Do NOT overlap text over kanji, clean the bubble first. (Page 6, you know which one).
- Do not romanize things for the sake of filling space (e.g.: Pg7, first bubble: "Jya!", jya does not make sense in English).
- Do not provide your own onomatopoeia/lines in your translations, a particular example is the final bubble on Pg7. The original bubble did not present any manner of laughter.
- Please be careful when translating queries, Japanese queries often translate literally into nonsense, see first bubble on page 9.
- Under any circumstance do NOT use colored text unless the bubble themselves featured a particular color. See the last page.

I hope these guidelines will help in the future, I take it English is not your native language so I would recommend finding a native speaker to proofread for you. You can also discuss translations so as to make the final product look a bit more natural.
Keep working hard!

Base +8, sc01a +6, BrianTT +6, Hodr +10, dkst +7, Kitsune Nishidate +13, xestrm +21, TheOldDeus +4, Drag00noid +11, malad +6, TransDrLoli +6, friedsiopao +8, mosesking +7, and 12 more...

Adding to what cheezburgr said, translate everything you can, even if it's not inside a bubble.

Examples:

Page 3: "Jinsei owatta" --> "My life is over"
On the same page, last panel --> "ii hito" --> "What a nice guy"

Page 6 and 7 have standard Japanese screams/cries.
Page 6: "Aaaaah" (it's not 3 separate Ahs lol), "Ya" --> "Noo" etc.
Page 7: "nDameeee" --> "Nooooo", "Hauuu" --> "Hauuu" (expressing pain? "Owww" maybe? Idk)

Page 9: "Fue?!" --> "Huh?!" (you could choose to omit some of the onomatopoeia like this one but most people like them translated if they take up a large amount of space on the page etc).

Page 10, second bubble: Idk what she's supposed to be saying here; I can see the "rame" (= slurred "dame") but Idk what the other sounds are supposed to be.
Also on this page: the last 2 bubbles that Aoba says appear to be slurred "Kyou mo asa kara / ganbaru zoi" --> "I'll work hard this morning too".

I don't speak Japanese so I could easily be wrong about these but it's a start.

Oh, and this is important:
Don't, under any circumstance, remove hearts from bubbles while translating. Hearts are love.

Base +10, TheOldDeus +4, ns23 -6, purrant +4, jfragrettel +8

Page 06 still has an uncleared speech bubble

And you should read this http://prettyanonymo.us/index.php/scanlation-resources/anonblacks-typesetting-guide/

Base +6, TheOldDeus +4, jfragrettel +8

Thanks Cheezburgr. I agree with most of this, and I'm kinda copying things I've seen others do without much experience at it myself.

- I actually took the "senpais" part from Persona 4 Golden. I considered that if they can use it, and the very "Nipponese" nature of this show, I'd consider it as "ok" in this setting. I actually had it as seniors at first, but wanted to make it more "cute" in order to fit the character, and I felt adding senpais instead kinda fit the function. Then again, having Rise say it orally may give a different effect. Same goes for some cute "jya"s. Hearing oooh, or agh, doesn't give the same cuteness effect which was intended, I don't know if you got any tips regarding this? As I see more and more localization using much of the original wordings even if they are more Japanese in nature, I kinda took the liberty of doing the same (Hyperdimensional Neptunia is great at this).
- Regarding "several translations" I agree. When I think about it I should perhaps instead use "*"s and provide explanations at the bottom, as many others do, (if I'd wanted to do that). In this case I want to make sure people understood it was meant as a "nice" comment rather than a "confirmation" comment, as it was in Japanese, but not necessarily in English, and I couldn't think of any fitting synonym for the function on the go (synonym dictionary ftw).
-Regarding the "simple translation" of "I won't tell anyone if you show me your vagina", I also agree that I might have taken a bit liberty in the particular case. However, I found out, after I translated everything, that the "rapy" nature of the English translation came off as very harsh compared to the Japanese one (in sum). If I'd literally translated it it would most definitely make the delivery man come off as a more intended rapist rather than an exploiter of the situation (where I felt the exploited nature was closer to the intent of the original work). As such I thought that I had to add some more lines in order to soften the language and set the premise.
- Oh snap, you're right, those are big tsus. The original bubble has キツキツ which can be translated as the sounds that you make when you laugh in a secretive way (small tsus), but the da at the end gives it away as "tight". Luckily it doesn't change much of the intent of the sentence, but that was a pure error at my end.
- I totally agree about the queries and onomatopoeia, but they do often add to the overall tones. Got any tips for how you can replicate those elements or should I just leave them "as is"?
- You really didn't like the colored text? There was colored text in all of this, not just the last page. I do agree that my particular choice of color at the end (borders) could come off as a bit ugly, though the intent was to fit Yagami (which kinda has a teal/light blue color theme), as I assume she is the one speaking. The same with Aoba (because she's all about purple) and the delivery man came off as blue because of his shirt + being a man. But I'll take it into consideration, I personally feet it adds more than it takes away, at least when I read other's work.

Sounds like a good idea. You got any community here that can proofread stuff? There is always good to have a second look at things.

@ hujkl

Haha, thanks. I agree hearts are love, I wanted to keep them, but I got so much flack for not cleaning the bubbles enough that I just chose to omit them completely (the bubbles wasn't white, so the "surrounding" areas of the hearts stuck out badly).

I really need to step up my game on these onomatopoeia I see. They are really hard though, as if you translate them to the equivalent in English you can make cute girls sound like whales. How do you deal with it?

Last edited on 01 October 2016, 16:48.

Base +6, TheOldDeus +4, purrant +4, FullestDay -23, RefinedFapper -6

still shitty editing. check page 10.

Base +10, TheOldDeus +4, jfragrettel +8

I'll try and address as many points from your reply, forgive me if I omit any.

- Imitation is completely fine, it's not an artstyle you're stealing, it's a method of work, and if the final product holds up to standards in the end then nobody will complain, however you should work towards developing your own style of scanlating stuff.
- As to who I would imitate, definitely not mainstream localizations. Neptunia is notorious for extremely bad localization practices, such as sentence rewriting/meme shoveling. You need to evaluate these critically, just because they are on sale does not mean they are automatically good. Most of the localization work for mainstream games is usually pretty bad in my opinion.
- I completely understand the fact that Japanese nuance does not translate very well (or at all) into English, however as a translator you are supposed to find a workaround for this situation, you can take a look at our work on that Fukuyama Naoto doujin, we worked pretty hard to keep the girl's tsundere bitchy attitude without making her sound overly annoying. Check the raws and maybe another translation of it for contrast, we might have gotten some things a bit off there.
- I can't stress enough how important a second opinion is when translating, always ask around if your English sounds natural or if it's a bit off, remember that it's an English speaking audience you're translating for.
- Really, that "i wont tell anybody if you show me your vajayjay" was fine as it was, it came out just as rapy in Japanese. Ideally, when someone reads that they can imagine how it would be spoken, which is half of the fun, offering too much context takes away the freedom of imagination from the reader. And to be honest, this is a porno, nobody will REALLY care about the plot details.
- If the Japanese query does not translate well into an English one then at least make it into a statement, or end it with a Canadian "eh?" or "ay?" or "huh?" as most of the times it's a simple question that does not necessarily seek an answer, just a reaction or confirmation of context.
- The colored text in the beginning was fine, the one on the last page, the very powerful teal blue was very poppy for the rest of the page, and it looked very out of place compared to text from the previous pages, it reminded me of those GTO scans. Light tones work best, powerful, intense colors may distract from the rest so avoid when possible.

Onomatopoeia are a bane to any translator, unless you're looking forward to becoming the next POMF =3, try looking over an English onomatopoeia dictionary, since there should be some things there that you might not think of, or may not be immediately obvious. I don't know of any community that proofreads things, I just have a buddy that reads these as well and we sorta know how to interpret things. It all comes with a bit of experience so if you're not sure then I would recommend reading some translations with the raws on the side, to see how they worked it out.

Base +8, purrant +4, jfragrettel +8

Your typesetting also needs work. Don't use Arial as your main font. Wild Words or Anime Ace 2.0 look a lot better.

These guides should help: http://prettyanonymo.us/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/typesettingguide101.png and http://prettyanonymo.us/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/typesettingguide304.jpg.

Base +7, purrant +4, Zombie-sama1577 +6, jfragrettel +8, The Inker -8